The Hideous: Women’s Cycling Gear

Remember when I use to write about fashion and beauty on this blog? That seems like ages ago. These days, I don’t shop as  much as I once did and I think that was when fitness found its way into my life. Isn’t it amazing? Fitness CURED me of my shopaholic problems. I use to go out and buy things without even looking at the price tag but now when I do shop, I am more mindful.

…And that is probably because I’m saving to buy fitness equipment and apparel. Snowboards, boots, bindings, winter jackets, BIKES, cycling jerseys, bike shorts, workout gear in general… WHY MUST YOU BE SO DAMN EXPENSIVE? I take it back, I think fitness actually made my shopping problem a lot more complicated because I am spending more money now. But at least everything I buy these days doesn’t get thrown in the back of my closet with the tags still on.

 So now onto why I wrote this entry:

Instead of shopping for pretty dresses and tops, I’m browsing for performance gear— especially for cycling but I only own TWO actual cycling jerseys (not counting a waterproof shell and a long sleeve for cold weather riding)… you know with those handy back pockets since all roadies can’t live without. I love riding in my Under Armor and Nike tops because they are plain and simple, fit me like a glove with no flashy and obnoxious designs …but I do wish they had some back pockets to carry all my junk while I ride.

Random list of rants related to cycling gear:

• Getting lost in a world of pastel pink, magenta, turquoise, baby blue makes me dizzy and nauseous.
• The countless times I see the perfect black or white jersey so I pull it out of the rack …only to find the fucking pink swirls and flowers printed on the other side. Way to fucking mess up a perfect jersey.
• When there ARE nicely designed cycling gear for warm weather riding, they have SHORT SLEEVES.  I really do not understand this whole thing with cyclists and their tan lines. MAJOR DISLIKE. That’s why I only wear sleeveless when the sun is out …or suffer in long sleeves. Yes I am that vain.
• Sleeveless jerseys: they are either a gazillion dollars, looks like shit or doesn’t fit right. Oh yeah, and they give you tan lines.
• I understand cyclists want to be seen but obnoxious logos (why do you want to wear giant logo when you’re not even sponsored anyway?) and obnoxious prints are not the way to go. You may cause a huge accident after blinding the poor driver who just crashed his car into a pole because he just couldn’t handle your psychedelic jersey.

I’m not a princess on a bike. I’m a QUEEN so give me what I want!!

Note-to-self: Get back pockets custom sewn into my perfect Under Armour and Nike tops.

Disclaimer: if you actually own one of those hideous jerseys, I promise I don’t actually make fun of people wearing them. They just don’t suit me. But clearly, there IS a market for women’s cycling jerseys with flowers and psychedelic prints all over them because I’ve seen many on the roads…