How to be in Good Relationships

Mykonos 2015

People come into your life for a reason or a season.

I’ve had a few interesting relationships in my life and some of them remain my ‘forever teachers’ aka soul family (as I like to refer to them as). Some of them have become dear friends and forever mentors, while others— it is better to cut ties because the truth is, you aren’t meant for everyone. Once you understand that, your life will exponentially improve.

What is your philosophy when it comes to relationships? What are you non-negotiables? If you don’t know right now, that’s okay, because the whole point of ‘dating’ is to see what you want and most importantly, don’t want. People fail at dating because they have too many expectations in the beginning but what happens when you go with the flow, and accept that you aren’t meant for everyone?

It is important for me to be in an uplifting, open-minded, inspiring, and growth environment where it is also safe to express yourself and be heard.

My partner has to be ambitious, responsible, energetic, secure, exercise consistently, appreciates good quality food + eats healthy, loves the Grouse Grind (aka appreciate pain and growth, lol), and of course, have a real job. Most importantly, they have to love life, and be as curious as I am. And even more important, they MUST do personal development + self care + innerwork, and is aware of any past traumas and actively working on it. The last one is 100% absolutely non-negotiable.

It may seem like a lot but it’s not! I’ve met many people with most of those qualities (except most of them are missing the innerwork part, lol). However, timing and being the right energetic match at that time is also everything. Having high standards is a good thing because that means you have hold yourself to those same standards. Do not ever settle for anything less if you have already done so much work to be a better you. I am a very intrinsically-driven person and I expect everyone around me to be leveled or at least, leveling… and I’m not shy about what I want.

The secret is to work on yourself to cultivate all those things you need in a partner, and the right one will find you.

YOU ATTRACT PEOPLE AT THE LEVEL THAT YOU ARE AT. If your relationship failed, it simply meant YOU weren’t where you needed yourself to be so you projected all your flaws onto your partner.

I joke about requirements: have to have a a Costco card, a dog (or kids), a SUV (for an active lifestyle), be financially + emotionally intelligent, and don’t have an Instagram account unless it’s for their company … but it’s only a metaphor for “having your sh!t together” … and stability. Everyone I meet fascinates me because I love studying human-nature. Not to say people are my test-subjects but everyone will gift you with a lesson– what you want and DON’T want in life! Many of us don’t know what we want, that’s why the universe gifts us with failures so we learn.

In my past relationships, I realized that everyone came into a life right when I needed them whether it was to experience, learn, or fulfill a need. Everything I manifested seemed to always fall in my lap!

How to be in good relationships:

  • Winning arguments should never be a goal. If you are always winning, that means your partner is ‘weak’ — so what does that say about YOU since you chose to be with a ‘weak’ person?
  • When you argue, make it a goal to be heard not understood. Allow each other to express your feelings and then walk away and breath before trying to make sense of things.
  • Relationships require constant work but they should not be hard. Being in constant conflict with your partner for a long period of time is a sign of a toxic environment, and perhaps you need to spend time apart to focus on yourself.
  • Most relationships fail because one partner has underlying trauma they refuse to deal with. If your partner doesn’t deal with their past trauma, do innerwork, learn how to properly communicate– even if they aren’t ready, it’s time to move on because you can’t sabotage your own life waiting for anyone. I’ve had a relationship ruined because of this and it is extremely traumatic to stay in a situation like this for so long, and it’s scary to think where I could be today if I was still in it.
  • Your partner should compliment you, not complete you.
  • Your partner should bring out your best self.
  • Your partner should also challenge you to grow.
  • … but be careful not to be manipulated! If you feel like something is off, your gut is often right. Take a step back and observe.
  • We grew up watching Disney fairytales but “happily ever after” does NOT exist without hardwork.
  • Most of our attraction towards another person is subsconscious.
  • Our minds are a funny thing and we tend to be attracted to partners who may enable you to relive a childhood experience because of a need or issue you haven’t had closure for. Hence the importance of understanding trauma and being self-aware.
  • If you cannot be alone or stand your own ground, you are NOT ready for a relationship.
  • You should not go into a relationship thinking “feeling completed.”
  • When you marry someone, you marry their emotions and traumas. Make sure you are both aware of them so they don’t control you. Awareness is the first step to healing.
  • Meeting the right person is everything but there is no such thing as perfection. Your partner should be at least 80% what you want. The other 20% can be grown into or compromises can be made.
  • Connections are very hard to find but if you find one, you should definitely explore it because even though it may not work out, your energies matched at that time because you both had a lesson to learn.
  • If we all “go with the flow” in life and know that many things aren’t meant to be, your life will be much easier.
  • Become the person you want to be with first.
  • Make more eye contact.
  • Timing is everything.
Mykonos 2015
Mykonos 2015

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