Cyclist Problems

Mean Poutine
  • When any ride under 50km does not count as a workout.
  • When you plan a leisurely ride to work but you end up really really wanting to stay ahead of other cyclists commuters on the bike lanes because you just can’t help it.
  • When you are commuting in lycra and feel pressured to ride faster when you just want a leisurely ride. Damnit, should’ve worn a cotton t-shirt today.
  • When you heard someone lent out their road bike: “Wow, they are SO nice. I would never do that.”
  • When you can’t decide which poutine place to go to after a ride.
  • When you sell out your parents for weekend lunches because they always interfere with scheduled group rides.
Leggings or no leggings? Fingerless or full-fingered gloves? Sigh.
Leggings or no leggings? Fingerless or full-fingered gloves? Why is life so hard?
  • When you have trouble trying to eat back all of the 4000 calories you burnt on the last ride.
  • Riding up a bunch of steep hills and realizing you went the wrong way so you turn around and go back downhill. Then you realize: OOPS. THAT WAS THE RIGHT WAY AFTERALL.
  • “You won’t understand unless you’re a cyclist.”
  • Being super stressed out because you can’t decide what to wear and how to layer for winter riding. Freezing-to-death and overheating are extreme concerns!!
  • The sadness you feel having to give up Leg Days at the gym so they will survive a hard weekend ride.
  • When a week goes by without a quality ride feels like you just wasted your life away.
  • When you want to shoot yourself because you have to walk 5 blocks while riding up a mountain is something you look forward to all the time.
  • When you’ve cycled a particular route dozens of times and one day you look up and realized you’ve NEVER noticed the gorgeous scenery along it (because you are always riding too hard to notice).
  • When you have to hit your brakes because you are stuck behind a slow ass Ferrari.
Tan Lines | iFuckingLoveFitness.com
Tanned & Lined. FML.
  • Forgetting to start your GPS prior to a ride.
  • Realizing you forgot to fully charge your GPS before an uber long ride.
  • When you manually pause your GPS during a ride and forgetting to restart it.
  • The fear of running out of clean cycling shorts.
  • Chafing.
  • Having to wash your water bottles after a ride. Worst. Chore. Ever.
  • Checking out other male cyclists’ …calves. When they are sharp and pointy, I am impressed.
  • When you are climbing a mountain and another cyclist pull up to you and starts chatting with you like a normal person… and makes you feel really bad about yourself. Because you are struggling to breath and have no idea why the hell they don’t sound tired at all.
  • When you say you went out for a ride and have to clarify it was a BICYCLE ride… not motorcycle. Why would I ride a motorcycle?! That’s just silly.
  • The huge dilemma of whether to pass these guys or not. Because if I pass them, that means I’ll have to stay in front of them and I’m not sure if I have the energy to keep that up…
  • When someone passes you so that means you HAVE to pass them again. Damnit. Should’ve worn that cotton t-shirt.
  • Spending the entire summer with a mustache tan, sunglass tan and hideous tan lines everywhere and anywhere.
  • When Boyfriend shows his bike shorts tan lines to other people. *dies from embarassment* (they are 10000000000x worse than mine)
  • Finally having to admit that you are just a wannabe-cyclist because you hate other “cyclists” (who don’t wear helmets) and cannot understand why cyclists are so proud of their tan lines. Sigh.

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