I had an Epiphany…

I had an Epiphany…

epiphany : a moment in which you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way

While riding my bike to work one cold, albeit sunny October morning in 2015, I suddenly had an epiphany and decided I had to quit my job that day. The idea was floating in my mind all year but there were things I had to wrap up, and I was not ready to let go of my routine— but during that symbolic morning, it was as if all the fear and hesitation magically dissolved and the veil was finally lifted. I had no doubt, only absolute clarity that this was what I had to do.

At that moment, losing control of my life was exactly what I needed to really push me out of my comfort zone.

Thus, a month and a half ago at the end of February, I celebrated my last day at work with lots of cake, walked away from this amazing career I nurtured for the last 9 years, and here I am temporarily located in the city of angels; Los Angeles, officially unemployed for the first time in my life. Free of a 9-5, from any obligations, and finally entering the real world… a.k.a. having to think about dental and travel insurance, what to do with my condo, etc., etc. Talk about first world problems. I had such a secure and stable life, cushioned with a salary and benefits, up until now. The struggle was real! But in a good way.

Ciao Vancouver

In two weeks, I literally quit my job, packed up all my belongings in my storage locker (after giving away 25+ garbage bags of clothes and shoes), ironically purchased new furniture and a TV (I don’t watch television) for my condo (don’t ask), rented out my condo furnished, and flew myself and my bike to LA. Of course, I have been planning this for a while since I handed in my resignation months in advance, but alas, it is so like me to leave things to the last-minute.

Most importantly, I made sure to see as much of my friends as possible in those two weeks because I was saying goodbye to life as I knew it.

girlfriends: not a going away but a 'see ya later!'

A week after I liberated myself, I was sitting on the couch in LA at 4pm, after a super busy and productive morning (because I like to start my day early) with nothing to do! I had a harrowing “moment”: Is this was the rest of my life is going to be like? I never have nothing to do. Thankfully, that moment of dismay passed by swiftly and I found myself occupied later that evening… something that involved thumping sound system and Bloody Mary’s.

Since then, I feel like my life has been just as hectic and fulfilled as it was when I was working. In 2015, I significantly slowed down my life, but apparently not enough, suffering from this incomprehensible weakness of always trying to fill my time with things to do. I always say you create your own life, so you should always be doing things that makes you happy, and I am content keeping my life busy engaged. After all, isn’t that why I spend hours and hours on my bike, alone and lost in my thoughts? So I can be fully recharged to fulfill my need for social engagement, keeping my introverted-self at bay.

Is freedom anything else than the right to live as we wish? Nothing else.

A month ago, my life consisted of ridiculously early mornings to get in long bike rides before work (what happens when you make working on yourself a priority), making commitments to lift heavy weights at the gym sometime during the 9-5, ride my bike home in the pouring rain, where I’d frantically get ready for dinner with friends.

These days, my days still begins early, but it is much less stressful since I have the option of sleeping in. They still normally begin by some form of sweating, a lunch (god, have I turned into one of those “girlz who lunch?), and whatever errands I need to run… by late-afternoon, I’d be exhausted, but being unemployed gives me the opportunity to take naps!! Then the same evening events, dinners, social stuff, blah, blah, blah.

drowning in eternal sunshine | manhattan beach, california

And the best thing about being unemployed?!

I have been getting at last 7 hours of sleep almost every night— something I have never achieved in the past. The privilege of sleep; something we are all guilty of devoiding ourselves of. Best. Thing. Ever.

I began my sabbatical with a ‘vacation’, hence why I am in LA temporarily, still trying desperately to hold onto some form of routine (I love spontaneity, but routine keeps life preciously balanced and healthy). Bike rides, going to the gym and brunches are shamelessly, my current priorities. The party really begins in May with a one way ticket to London, reuniting with two of my best friends, before I make my way to Girona. Perhaps getting glimpses of the pros training for Le Tour, while on my rental carbon road bike, I will secretly race those on pretty commuter bikes with baskets and high heels, as I embark on a cycle-tour around the surrounding areas.

My life is currently an enigma and I am looking forward to seeing where the universe will take me…

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    When Your Paradigm Shatters…

    When Your Paradigm Shatters…

    paradigm shift : a fundamental change from one way of thinking to another, a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis

    In the last couple of years, my life went through dramatic changes and I experienced my paradigm shattering. It was an uncomfortable, yet welcoming feeling… a feeling I have been unknowingly desiring for a long time.

    Sometimes we know exactly what we want and what we need to do, but the majority of the time, we don’t, simply because we haven’t found the right path. Our minds are our primary obstacle, typically clouded by fear, while our beliefs are limited by preconceived notions from our socially conditioned nature. Thus, clarity seems hopelessly unreachable.

    However, not all is lost, as long as we open our arms to change.

    The path to clarity is normally gradual and happens organically, but all of those accumulated insights and inconsistencies we experience during that great odyssey will slowly unravel, and soon you will realize that your life needs a new explanation. That is when you find clarity… when you have your “epiphany”… when your paradigm starts to shatter. The world as you knew it is suddenly gone, and you see the everything as if it were for the first time.

    In the past couple of years, I found my thoughts evolving, my perspectives broadening and my priorities changing. I craved for it, yet resisted at first because I was not ready to let go of my routine. As life transpired, I began to feel lost… yet found because I was discovering a magical thing called spirituality, and most importantly, I was unraveling a new way of life. When my paradigm shifted, it felt like it happened suddenly, but no, it was the sum of my experiences in the last couple years of my life, and little did I know, it was already gently pulling me towards another direction in life.

    Time passes by swiftly like the wind and life happens, sometimes beyond our control, but we should all be grateful to have this incredible opportunity to be able to co-create our own experiences simply by allowing our consciousness to transform and transcend. Unfortunately not everyone realizes they have this power. If only we start to open our eyes…

    To be continued…


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      Take a Risk, Live a Meaningful Life

      Take a Risk, Live a Meaningful Life

      Let’s say…

      You don’t ride a bicycle because you are scared of traffic.
      It’s too dangerous, you tell yourself.
      Everyone reminds you the same thing… and you listen to them.

      So like the millions of unfortunate people who never take risks,
      you sit in a metal box for an hour a day commuting to and from work,
      where you may end up sitting for 8 hours in front your computer,
      AND I bet your diet isn’t something to be talked about either.

      You find your health declining.
      You are afraid to step on the scale.
      Your confidence is slowly melting away.
      You are unhappy with yourself.
      You are unhappy with your life.

      All because you were too scared to take a risk.

      Cycling is not the only answer but it is an example of how one little change can make a significant impact in your life. Our minds are programmed for instant gratification— we rarely consider long-term benefits, instead, settling into the norm because it’s comfortable.

      But guess what? Change and discomfort are the two ingredients that are going to take you to make your life more meaningful and exciting.

      The first thing you have to do is will yourself to take a risk.

      It’s not going to be easy because it’s not supposed to be easy, otherwise everyone will be doing it. If it was easy, everyone will be living happy, rich and fulfilled lives— which is untrue because the majority of the population are living mediocre lives, and doing the same thing every day.

      Although, I am very aware that a lot of people are happy in that particular moment in their lives, and there is nothing wrong with that. Happiness is subjective and the definition is different for everyone. It changes as you journey through life, and changes as your perspective change. Change is healthy. It’s called growing.

      The past 8 years, I always thought I had the perfect life: a good, and well-paying career that had me excited to wake up every morning to go to work (while everyone around me was complaining they “didn’t want to go to work tomorrow”), hobbies that kept my life exciting and also which benefitted my health, amazing friends, a good boyfriend… but as life ebbed and flowed, I realized that my worldview was slowly changing. I woke up one day and realized what a big world we live in and how much I have not experience. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my life and was extremely happy, but I was greedy for more than what I had. I was hungry for a revolution.

      When that time comes, you must surrender to your will and embrace that call for change. If you hold back and refuse to take risks, you will continue to dig yourself deeper, in a hole of dissatisfaction. So after all these years of living in a wonderful state of mind, I had an epiphany one day as I was riding my bike to work— that moment of clarity made me realize I was finally ready to break out of my routine. Life was getting a little too comfortable, and I decided that I want to live an interesting life. Luckily my revolution has begun.

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